Coffee

I started drinking coffee, regularly, after the birth of my son(third child). Honestly, it should have started sooner. Coffee helped me cope with my children, better. It gave me an extra kick after being sleep deprived from waking up several times in the middle of the night for feedings. Our son has been our worst night sleeper.... he still sometimes, at two years of age, finds his way into our room and into our bed. He was still needing a drink in the middle of the night, at 8 or 9 months. The girls were both sleeping through the night before they were 3 months old.

So yeah, coffee helped me. I wish I would have starting drinking after my second child was born. I think it would have been highly beneficial for me, having an 11 month old and newborn to take care off. There would have been a lot less Mommy fits and a lot more Mommy love.

Lately the caffeine in my coffee has been bothering me. I still enjoy the occasional caffeinated cup, but I've switched over to decaf for my almost daily drinking. I just love the smell and the taste so much, it tricks you into thinking you have more energy. Maybe once the baby is born I will switch back to the caffeine cup. I might need to more than want too. It's all about finding clarity... sometimes you need a little help. Coffee is my help.

*btw, sometimes I add a little bit of Baileys in my cup..... yummy.... I definitely can not wait to do that again, after the baby is born*

Day by Day

Little N is in the process of taking a nap, he has successfully brought all of his lovey items into my room, naming each one as he brings it. I am 100% exhausted and should be napping but my nap keeps on being interrupted by screaming girls and N, who has decided that he should not nap. So maybe N will fall asleep in my bed next to me, while I blog, order curriculum for next year and upload pictures to Snapfish all things that are on my to-do list for today.We just arrived home last night after a week in Mt. Pleasant. We were there attending Vacation Bible School at our home church, New Life Christian Fellowship. Well, the children were attending, I was volunteered to be a crew leader for the week, and J helped out when he was there(he spend a couple days in BR doing his weekly volunteer work). We stayed at our friend's home, they also have three children. The week was anything but relaxing but lots of fun. It was nice to stay at our friend's house and the children had a good time playing with each other. Vacation Bible School was fun but exhausting and we(us moms) are planning out ways to not "volunteer" next year. We need good excuses, let us know if you have any. It would be nice to drop all the kids off and run away for 3 hours, every day, for a week. Maybe we can get the men to volunteer? Maybe.

Today I think I have done 8 loads of laundry. I am in the process of de-Easterizing my living/dining room. The previous home owners stenciled tulips on the wall, have blue, pink and yellow stripped wall paper and curtains to match. I've taken down the curtains, leaving plain white ones and am thinking of painting over the tulips sometime this week. Easter is not my favorite holiday and I'm tired of constantly being reminded of it.

I need to decorate my walls and have decided to print some of my favorite Artsy photos to hang up. I have a few in mind and want to order some this next week. Hence the uploading to Snapfish that I mentioned earlier.

I am 33 weeks pregnant and have decided to deliver the baby on July 28. That way his/her birthday will be 7-28-11. My birthday is on the 28th of October so that should be easy to remember and 7-11 is easy to remember too. I need something easy, this is my forth child and I already cannot remember my age.

Talking about photography(we were talking about that right). J has decided that I need a name for my photography adventures. Well, I really need something a can paste across my photos so no one can steal them. He thinks we should go along with my whole clarity theme and name it Clarity Photography. He is in the process of making a logo for it. I like Clarity Studios or Clarity Photography Studios. But I don't have a studio. So can I add that? I don't even take photos for anyone else right now. Anyway, let me know what you think.

This is my Easter themed dining/living room.

Six or Sixteen?

M turned six on the tenth. I cannot believe she is six already! Where has my baby gone? We celebrated all day and into the next day.My family came up for lunch and then J's family came up for dinner and stayed the night. We had cake, ice cream and lots of other yummy food! She opened presents, then spent the afternoon playing with them.

The next day her Grandma took her and L to the rollerskating rink. It was their first time rollerskating and they did quite well. M was skating by herself in the middle of the rink by the time we left and L would go by herself along the wall. They both had fun and both want to go back again(which is good!).

Then that night we all went out for a family dinner at Crankers. I ordered an adult chicken tenders meal for the three kids to share thinking that there would be no way that they would finish it. They all surprised me by wiping their plates clean!

M went out with her Daddy to see Kung Fu Panda 2. It's tradition in our house to go out with your Daddy to the movies on your birthday. They had fun and L and I put N to sleep then L and I watched a movie in my bed. We all had a great time. It was a wonderful Sixth birthday!

Grief

It's hard to write this but it needs to be written.

I've been feeling a little down lately, overwhelmed maybe, I honestly can't describe it and I didn't figure out why until I happened to visit babycenter.com on my iPad where I must have signed up for pregnancy updates when I was pregnant before this pregnancy.

I've been wondering lately when my other baby was due. I knew it was coming soon or maybe it had passed without me knowing.

But I guess I did know even though I didn't know.

Apparently I was due two weeks ago.

Grief is a sneaky emotion.

It seems to come and go.. maybe like ocean waves?

The mourning process is hard after you miscarry. It seems like the world around you is over it way before you are. When people are willing to talk to you about it you are not ready to talk about it. When you are ready to start the healing process, everyone has seemed to have forgotten that it ever happened. Eventually you might try to forget and live your life as if it never happened and then BANG! it hits you again. The emotion. The longing for what could have been. It's been in my mind a lot lately and now I know why. My body, my mind, my soul, my spirit, all want to be holding a newborn baby. A baby that is at least two weeks old right now.

This pregnancy has helped me to heal. But not fully heal. It has been like a fake healing. I've been able to push aside my feelings because I've had to focus on the life that is growing inside me. It's been good but also bad.

It's crazy how one event can train-wreck your life. Before I seemed so focused. Homeschooling was going great. It was what I would call our most planned pregnancy. Then it failed. I felt like I failed. It made it hard to recover. Homeschooling was stalled and it never really got back on the track it was on before. My life is still a ongoing process of getting back on the right path.

Now I need to learn to somehow grieve alongside my joy.

I've been thinking a lot about this LIFE inside me and how this LIFE would not, could not, be here if the miscarriage had not happened. How could I be pregnant with this one if I was pregnant with the one before? It wouldn't have happened. It almost makes me think that this one is extra special.

My extra special blessing from God.

They have purpose.

A unique calling on their life.

Those are my thoughts as I start this recovery process, yet again. You can grieve with me if you like and we can all pray for the mothers, fathers, families, that are dealing with the loss of life.

Irish Twins

I really can't pass up the chance to blog about my Irish twins during the three weeks out of the year that they are the same age. My daughters are 11 months 1 week apart in age. When I became pregnant with my second daughter my oldest daughter was only a few months old. If she had been born on her due date they would have been one week under being exactly one year apart but she came two weeks early. It was an exciting time in our life, I remember my oldest's One Year Birthday Party with her two week old baby sister. Both of them don't remember anytime without the other. They are almost /or as close as twins. Sometimes they call each other their twin.

I first heard of Irish twins when I was in high school. I believe "true" Irish twins are siblings born in the same calendar year. Some people count those born within 12 months of each other and some stretch it out to within 18 months of each other. Some people have Irish triplets, three children born under three years of each other(whew! that would be exhausting). I've always wondered what would be harder, Irish twins or real twins. I want to find someone who has had experience with both so I can ask them. Or someday have twins myself so I will know.

So was it/or is it hard having two children so close in age?

I think it's difficult having children so close together. In a lot of ways it's like having two babies at the same time. I think I might "roll with the punches" a lot easier then some. I never thought of it being really difficult. The first year was the hardest and it has become progressively easier ever since. Now, if I just had the two if them, my life would be "a piece of cake" but how healthy is cake? They add so much joy to my life and so does their two year old brother, who could imagine life without him?

We had the opportunity to take just the two girls with us to a wedding this past weekend and it was so very nice to have just the two of them. I love them so much. My little Irish twins, my girls(I never ever wanted a daughter and now have found myself blessed so much with them/by them, I could not imagine life without daughters). Being a mother of daughters has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I feel like girls need to be loved, encouraged, supported.. not that boys don't, but it is just different. Maybe you understand if you have both boys and girls. I don't think I realized it so much until this pregnancy. I feel like, for some reason that I don't know, I've been entrusted with daughters. Even though I always wanted a house full of boys, God knew that I needed daughters. They have changed me in ways I cannot explain. I find myself needing to be gentler, more caring, more understanding. They make me think my life. Am I a good example of what a women is/should be? Girls need to be cuddled, protected, they need to feel love from their family so that later they won't try to find it somewhere else and then be hurt. I love, love, love my girls.

Outsiders see them and think they are twins because they think they look so much alike. And yes, if you look at their hair color, height and eye color they do "look" like each other. But in their facial features, body structure and personality they are totally, completely different. M is our social butterfly while L is our wallflower, although they cannot be defined by only that. If you really know M then you would know that at times she is shy. She is thoughtful, caring, a born leader, able to talk and relate to anyone. She is strong, athletic, a risk taker, and smarter than what she should be. She is a go-get er, a self motivator and loves to be busy. She wants to be on the go, doing everything she can possibly do in a day.

L has two personalities. She can be crazy and wild. Her smile is contagious. She is funny, a clown, entertaining. But also ultra sensitive. Doesn't like anyone laughing at her even if it is because we find her funny because she is so adorable. She take everything seriously. She can switch personalities at a drop of a coin and be withdrawn and upset. You really need to be careful what you say and do around her. Even though she jokes, she doesn't like your jokes. She also is very caring and loving and loves to be loved and have one-on-one attention.

Tomorrow is the end of their "Irish twin weeks", my oldest baby turns 6.

Can you believe that?

I have a hard time handling it.

M is maybe 8 months old in this and I am 5 months pregnant?

M and L's first picture together.

A few days after L was born.

Memorial Day Weekend

Sunday we went up to the in-laws to borrow their truck and trailer and move a bunch of our stuff that we had been storing at their house back to our new house. We took off in the afternoon, it was nice and sunny out at the time. By the time we arrived at their house you could tell the weather was about to change. Sure enough half way through loading the truck and trailer up it started to rain and it didn't stop raining until half-way through our trip back.. Luckily it wasn't Oklahoma rain. *When it rains in Oklahoma it is always a downpour(at least that's what I think)* We made it back home, unpacked the stuff and prepared to make the drive again the next way.

Memorial Day we woke up to 72 degrees and humid. Weather that happens everyday in Oklahoma at this time of year. So it didn't bother me too much that it was uncomfortable weather. I figured that #1 it was not going to be 100 degrees plus humidity and #2 it was only going to be like this for one day or maybe two, NOT for the rest of the summer. I guess living in Oklahoma for the past four years has made me appreciate Michigan summers. I will always be able to think.. this could be worse.

Anyways, Memorial Day was nice. We took off a little later than I had hoped. L had a major breakdown at breakfast, she refused to eat the cereal I had and I refused to make anything different for her. I offered some of her favorite foods as alternatives, applesauce, yogurt, and she refused those too. So I told her we were not stopping for food on the way to Grandma and Grandpas so don't ask and don't tell me your hungry. As the meltdown was happening J was needing help loading an old clothes washer into the tuck. I was not much help. He did eventually get it in by himself. And little N took off towards the road a few times(the backyard is not 100% fenced in yet.. he likes to run to the front door and exclaim "TADA!!!".. yeah... not funny little mister. So we finally took off. Sure enough on the way L said "My tummy hurts but that is probably because I didn't eat anything" Lesson learned. I brought some mac and cheese to make when we arrived.

So after we arrived I made lunch, and we walked down to the pond. The girls collected frogs and tadpoles from the pond. They went on boat rides and I tried to sit as much as possible. We all got a little sun but didn't burn at all. We headed back home towards the middle of the afternoon. The river was full of people floating down it.

After we got home J cooked up some food on the grill while the kids played on the play-set we had brought home from the in-laws and we sat down for dinner at the picnic table that we had also brought home. It was soo nice out at that point. Still sunny, still hot, still humid but still nice.

Dinner outside.

HUGS

View of the picnic table from kitchen window.