frustrations

Z goes from gaining a good amount of weight one week to failing to gain a sufficient amount of weight the next week.
We are talking ounces here. Ounces. Which means that pooping or peeing before a scheduled weight check can have an effect on our results.
It is nerve wrecking to say the least and I wait patiently for the number on the scale to go up. Not. Breathing. Until it stays on the result.

Ounces.
We headed down the see the specialist last week in Grand Rapids. This is the dreaded neurological specialist. The one Z's former doctor had threatened to call CPS on us if we didn't make and go to an appointment with her. Ridiculous. I was under the assumption that they would want to do a large amount of unneeded tests on our little Z.

Boy, was I wrong. Who would have thought that they were on our side of things... agreeing that "shot in the dark" tests don't do anyone any good. THAT was good to hear from someone high up in the medical community. So she and the lactation consultant in her office agreed that we shouldn't be supplementing with formula anymore and that the Mother's Milk tea that I have been drinking is the factor in the equation that could be helping our sweet little Z-girl gain the weight that she needs.

Good to hear.

What sucks is that this Mother's Milk tea is hard to find apart from getting it online-which I just did yesterday-I ordered a good caseload of it. Our local health food store has been out of it for weeks and I was told not to go with the brand I bought at Meijer. So for the past two weeks we have been searching for the right brand drinking the wrong brand and Z has gained only 3 ounces per week. Now we are back on the right brand. I almost ran out of it again but was able to find some in Mt. Pleasant yesterday. I bought out that local health food store.

I can absolutely notice a difference in my milk supply while I am on the tea. Z is also doing a nightly marathon of nursing. I am praying this is her three month growth spurt that we missed last month. We were able to get her weighed today and she has already gained 3 ounces this week. Yay! Her official weight check in on Tuesday and hopefully we will have a total of 5 or 6 ounces gained so the talks of supplementing with formula will cease. Maybe, just maybe, this roller coaster we have been riding will stop and life will be a nice walk in the park.

Thanks to everyone who has stood behind and beside us through the past 4 months and have taken my phone calls and emails of frustration/defeat/elation.

Who knew that only a little bit of tea daily would be what would solve this problem. I wish I would have bought some months ago. I blame it on my lack of time.

We always need something to blame it on.

Morning Conversation with the Boy

Little N, "what you doing?"

Me, considering the fact I've heard this question a million times already this morning, choose to ignore the question. Maybe he will forget that he asked it and go on driving(pushing) his truck around the house. No such luck.

Little N, "MOMMY, what you doing?"

Me, ignoring that he placed my name in front of the question as if I didn't know it was directed at me the first time he asked it. I don't answer, am I ignorant too? Don't I realize he is just as stubborn as I am?

Little N, clearing his throat in a cute 2 year old boy sort of way, "Ah aaah"

Me, giving in to his persistence, "WHAT?!"

Little N, knowing that he has won, "What are you doing? "

Me, "Changing. Now, go find your father" Little N drives away.

Clarity in Chaos-for real!

Z just fell asleep in my arms. Without nursing. Without rocking. Without hushing. Without any movement what-so-ever. If anyone knows anything about Z and her personality these last few months you would know that this is major. I want to cry. I just might cry.
She is the sweetest, funniest, happiest baby ever. EVER.
Z has been the neediest baby out of our four. I thought number four would be easy. I thought, after having three children already, that I was an experienced mother who knew everything that needs to be know about babies. Z has proven me wrong on many levels.
Z, before we started supplementing with formula, wanted to be held or nursed-all the time! She was not content when she was put down. She did however sleep a good 4-6 hours at night. Good thing too. I might have gone insane if she hadn't .
The past three months have been more than exhausting. It's been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs twist and turns. Z was slowly, slowly gaining weight. About 2-3oz less than recommended. Long story short we have added about 1-2oz of formula to her diet on a daily basis and she is a completely different girl(kind of). She naps. She doesn't need to be held and doesn't demand to be fed all the time. Formula wasn't what I wanted and she hasn't been too fond of it either. She HATES bottles. Formula did make her gassy and we have since switched kinds and it has helped. This week she gained 6oz and now weighs 7lbs 3oz. She is finally getting to a great newborn weight! We've broken out the 0-3 month clothes for her! Soon I'll need to buy bigger diapers! The ones we bought were only suppose to last the first 6 weeks!
Deep breath.
I love her uncontrollably. But I've never met a baby like her before. My little Z-girl.